


Put that Thing Back Where It Came From (or so help me)

by vorpalblades



Category: Monsters Inc (2001), Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, KFC Is Not a Bribe, M/M, Minor Het Reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-15
Updated: 2012-07-15
Packaged: 2017-11-10 01:14:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/460596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vorpalblades/pseuds/vorpalblades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like practically everyone else in the world, Jared had a point in his life when he was convinced there was a monster living <i>somewhere</i> in his room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put that Thing Back Where It Came From (or so help me)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2009 round of J2_EverAfter, based on _Monsters, Inc._

_"Okay, last one, and then right to sleep. Got it, mister?_

_"Once upon a time, there was a little human girl who found a magical world, where the monsters lived and had cushy 9 to 5 jobs. And while most little girls might be scared of the monsters, she was brave and bold. She made friends there and had great adventures. Then she had to go home, and she was sad that she had to leave her friends behind._

_"Then one night, after her daddy had yelled and her mommy had cried, her Kitty opened the closet door again, and the little girl Boo decided to live with the monsters forever. Her Kitty and Uncle Mike found a perfect disguise for her and raised her as their own. Taught her everything they knew._

_"But like all little girls, Boo grew up and had her stupid teenager years where she rebelled against everything. And despite their warnings, she took one more trip back to the human world where she met a gorgeous man with beautiful eyes and an awesome car, who ended up being a total jerk who ran away once things got..._

_"Anyway, Boo came home, and soon after had a beautiful baby boy, who she loves more than anything. And they lived happily ever after, despite Uncle Mike's attempts to hook her up with Six-Arm Paul from accounting."_

*****

Like practically everyone else in the world, Jared had a point in his life — a pretty extensive period of time, if you ask his mama — when he was convinced there was a monster living _somewhere_ in his room. Under the bed, inside the closet, he wasn't sure where it was hiding, but he just knew the moment his guard was down, something big and scary was going to attack and eat him up.

It led to some very creative nightmares over the years.

Of course, as he grew older, he also grew out of his childhood fears. At least he got rid of the nightlight before entering junior high, and he no longer pulled his covers over his head at the slightest hint of house-settling sounds. There were _some_ setbacks though. You really can't blame Jared for sleeping with the light on after a particularly terrifying horror movie. Plus, who doesn't want a bed large enough so none of their limbs have a chance of dangling over the side? And if he insists on the closet door being shut at all times at night, well, that's just good energy conservation practices.

But if anyone asked, he was over it. Completely.

*****

Jared's first ever apartment in LA is ideal. Big enough that he and the dogs can lounge about comfortably, a mere 45 minutes from the more important production studios, and somehow still within his price range. He can't believe he lucked out with this place; the landlord went all tip-lipped when he asked why it was available for such a steal, but Jared's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

There's just one _tiny_ problem: the dogs won't go near the bedroom. They were fine when the place was completely empty, colliding with one another as they ran from room to room, but the moment the movers finished setting up the California king bed Jared lugged with him from Texas, Harley tucked tail and scampered out, and Sadie started whimpering pathetically. Neither has stepped inside the room since.

That doesn't mean Jared hasn't tried all sorts of methods to encourage his babies to join him in the room. Call him sentimental, but he just cannot sleep well without the familiar weight of one of them draped over his lower legs. Sadie dreams of chasing rabbits and Harley snores, and hearing them nearby at night is what puts Jared at ease. Especially in a new home, new town, new freaking life.

His latest method is definitely cheating, but he's desperate at this point. Sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, he drops a bucket of fried chicken beside him and pulls out a drumstick. His dogs are ridiculously addicted to KFC — a bad habit he can thank his entire family for helping develop — and the fact that both of them are still sitting outside the bedroom door rather than rushing and tackling him for those 11 different herbs and spices tells him just how serious this bedroom phobia is. Still, Harley's inching closer to the threshold, and Sadie's ears are twitching in a way that makes Jared think she's definitely considering it.

"Come on, baby girl," he encourages delicately. "It's your favorite." Jared takes a huge bite from the drumstick, expecting that to be the point where neither of them can resist anymore.

Instead, Sadie suddenly starts barking her damn head off, and Harley takes off for the living room, whining the whole way. Jared has a second to ponder what the hell just happened before he catches movement out the corner of his eye. He pitches sideways in time to see a hand with incredibly long nails — fucking _claws_ — reach out from under the bed and swipe a chicken breast from the bucket.

"Jesus fucking _Christ!_ " Jared scampers away from the bed, unwilling to turn his back on the intruder in his bedroom. When he's a considerable distance away, Jared plasters himself to the floor and looks under the bed.

There is a pair of eyes down there, bright green and shining like a cat's in the dark. As Jared catches sight of them, they widen in surprise for just an instant. Then, Jared hears something like a hiss and growl mixed together, and that clawed hand slashes out at Jared, the distance making the action more a threat than an attempt to harm him. And then those eyes disappear, through the fucking floor.

Jared trips over his feet running out of the bedroom and, not even bothering with leashes, corrals the dogs out of the apartment, heading straight for his friend Chad's place. He doesn't sleep a wink, despite how comfortable Chad's couch actually is.

The bucket is completely empty when Jared braves returning to his bedroom in the bright light of day. He asks Chad if he can stay the week.

*****

"Jared, honey, I thought you'd grown out of this. Do I need to call Dr. Snyder and make an appointment for you?"

*****

"Dude, you know my door's open in times of need, but are you ever going to get off my fucking couch and go back to your own perfectly livable apartment?"

*****

Jared spends three nights on his _own_ couch, chair wedged under the bedroom doorknob, before he psyches himself up enough to try going inside once more. Except for the chicken bucket overturned by his bed, nothing is out of place. Nothing's missing. It's perfectly normal.

Jared slowly lowers himself to the floor, his eyes never leaving the shadowy space under his bed. "Hello? Is, um, anything under there?" From his point of view, there's no sign of the eyes that had stared back at him, so he inches toward the bed, slower than molasses, and reaches underneath. The floor's solid there. He gives it a couple good smacks, the hell with his downstairs neighbors, and only eases up when his palm starts stinging.

Still, it's a good sign.

That night, Jared takes a couple deep breaths before entering the room. The dogs won't even come down the hall anymore, so he's going to have to face this alone. Some guard dogs, Jared muses to himself as he pushes open the door.

For the first time since Jared was 12, he runs and leaps onto the bed, desperate not to get within grabbing range. The bed creaks upon impact, and for one second, Jared thinks it's going to all go crashing down, which would actually probably solve the problem. 

But everything settles, and that's when he hears it. _Breathing_. Coming from somewhere in the room. And this isn't, "It's just the air conditioner, Jared. Your father does not have to check your closet for the boogey man." This is a constant and rhythmic in-and-out, accompanied by a sniff or snort.

Jared suddenly wishes he was like every other stereotypical Texan who kept 15 shotguns in the bedroom. Or at least a baseball bat. He swallows hard and asks, "Hello?"

He has five seconds of silence to think that maybe he should take his mom up on her offer to call the head doctor. Then some _thing_ says, "You going to eat both those dogs, or could I have one?" It comes from right underneath Jared.

That's when Jared throws his sheets over his head and doesn't move an inch all night.

It's just as the sun is peeking through Jared's curtains that the thing under the bed huffs out, "I try to actually be nice for once." Then there's this sucking noise followed by sudden unnerving silence.

Jared waits a few hours before he's remotely brave enough to step off his bed.

*****

"Jared, it's Vince. You know, your agent that you pay exorbitant amounts of money in order to find you roles. Well, I can't _do_ that if you don't call me back. Ring me when you're ready to leave that albeit swanky apartment of yours so that I can fill you in on the goodies I've got for you."

*****

"No, son, I don't know how to install chicken wire. You don't even have a yard, what do you need to fence in?"

*****

At sundown, Jared's ready. He has blisters from the wirecutters and his right thumbnail is turning an impressive shade of purple from when he whacked it with the hammer, but he now has a make-shift chicken wire fence nailed to the base of his bed, blocking the gap between the mattress and the floor. He tucks in cross-legged on his mattress, clutching a bat he'd bought while shopping for the fence supplies.

And just in time, because suddenly there's an impressive string of cursing coming from beneath him, followed by, "I knew I should have gone old school and come through the closet this time."

That stops Jared cold, and he can't help but flick his eyes in that direction. The closet. He hadn't even thought about it. "Oh god, please don't."

"It would serve you right. You've been making my job damn near impossible."

"Your job?"

There's a bit of rustling from beneath him, as if the _thing_ is trying to get more comfortable. "Bad enough I have to deal with a paperwork mix-up, where there's not even a kid in the place. But I haven't gotten a single scream and now you're playing home improvement. It's embarrassing."

"So, it's your...job? To scare people?"

It's silent for a moment. "I really shouldn't be talking to you. Look, you mind getting rid of the fence?"

Jared shifts a bit on his bed, unfurls his legs and loosens his grip on the bat. "Depends. Mind not trying to eat my dogs?"

The thing huffs and growls out, "They're the only edible thing I've seen around here besides those crispy things you had the other day."

It takes Jared a second to remember just what it's talking about. "You mean the chicken?"

"Whatever it was called. Wasn't too bad."

A little calmer, Jared lets go of the bat completely. "Can...can we make a deal? I'll take down the fence and bring you another bucket of chicken if you promise not to come through my closet or eat my dogs."

Another huff, then, "Fine."

Slowly, Jared puts one foot then the other on the ground. He grabs the hammer from where he dropped it and carefully begins pulling out nails from the chicken wire. It takes him considerably less time to remove the fence than it took to put it up. Once he has a good chunk of it loosened, he drops the hammer again and announces, "I'll be right back." He's definitely calmer than he was less than an hour ago.

Doesn't mean he forgets to shut the bedroom door and wedge the chair under the handle again before he leaves for KFC.

When he gets back, Jared has two buckets of chicken. The dogs are eyeing him with expectations, and he drops one on the counter for them to share later. He's just about to step out of the kitchen when, on a whim, he grabs the pint of Chunky Monkey from his freezer and swipes a spoon from a drawer.

The bedroom door is still closed, and for some weird reason, Jared feels the urge to actually knock. Shaking it off, he nudges the chair aside and steps in. 

The room is quiet. "Hello?" Jared pauses mid-step.

"I'm here." Thankfully, the voice still comes from under the bed and nowhere near the closet.

Jared drops all of his items a couple feet from the edge of the bed. "There you go. Bon appetit."

As he watches, a hand sneaks out from under the bed frame. Now that it's no longer a sudden shock, Jared's able to get a good look. The hand looks normal, _human_ , though the fingernails appear to have never been touched by clippers. The thing's arm, however, appears to be covered in matted blue fur. Something about it doesn't look right though, besides the obvious fact that it's fur. Truth be told, it looks...fake.

The hand flinches away from the ice cream. "What's this cold thing?"

Jared holds back a gasp, because really — "It's just ice cream."

"What does screaming have to do with it?"

Now, Jared has to choke down a chuckle. "No, ice cream." He puts extra emphasis on the hard C. "It's good. Eat it after the chicken."

The cartons disappear under the bed, and the following chewing noises only pause when Harley whines just beyond the door. Jared steps back and leans against the jamb, patting his dog's head reassuringly with quiet promises of his own forthcoming dinner.

After a while, the empty cartons are thrown back, and the spoon clatters toward Jared's feet. "I liked the screaming thing."

Jared can't help himself this time; he laughs. "Yeah, of course you did." He pauses for a moment, considering his next question carefully. "So, um, what do I call you?"

There's a moment of silence before, "My name's Jensen."

Jared smiles. "Nice to meet you."

*****

"Man, what the _hell_ have you been smoking?"

*****

"Jared, honey..."

*****

It's bizarre, having a roommate when he wasn't expecting one. Once he gets used to the fact that he has _someone living under his freaking bed_ , he realizes it's not that bad. Sure, no one believes him. And his food bill has doubled in his attempts to keep his puppies safe, but who hasn't had a roommate who ate all of his food?

And it's only a part-time roommate, anyway. Jensen never seems to appear when the sun is up. The best Jared can come up with is that the sun hurts the...guy. Like with vampires or something, or maybe those monsters in that Howie Mandel movie.

His theory gets shot to hell when Jared brings it up and Jensen starts laughing. "That's ridiculous. Now's just when the Scare Floor is open."

"Scare Floor."

"My department," Jensen explains. "Like they would let the grandnephew of the great James P. Sullivan work the Laugh Floor instead." He says it like it's an honor, so Jared doesn't mention it again.

Of course, Jensen only coming around after dark leads to a lot of late nights. Most of the time, the hours are full of conversation. Jensen seems so naive about some things, and he asks more "why" questions than a curious two-year old. But after about a week, Jared finds himself yawning through an audition, and he knows something has to change.

When he gets home, he moves the television into the bedroom and positions it on a low table. When Jensen announces his arrival with a knock on the bed frame, Jared tosses the remote under the bed. "Two rules. Keep the volume down, and nothing with explosions after eleven o'clock."

It's a good plan. Jensen seems content to keep it on cartoons, of all things. He follows the rules perfectly, lowering the volume to almost null once Jared's nodding off.

So, Jensen may not be the most ideal of roommates, but at least he tries to be courteous.

*****

One night, Jared walks into his bedroom just as two spiny green _somethings_ are rolled out from under his bed.

"Um," he starts, completely at a loss of what to say.

"They're manglefruit. Grabbed them from Tony's Grossery on my way over." The way Jensen says it makes Jared hear the double-S. "I thought I'd bring you a bit of my world for a change."

Even though Jensen can't see him, Jared glares down at the offered items. "Okay, wait a minute. Fruit? As in food? I've been spending my hard-earned cash feeding you so you don't eat my dogs, and you've had access to food this whole time?"

At least Jensen sounds a little sheepish when he says, "To be fair, fried chicken and that screaming thing are pretty damn amazing. We don't have anything like that back home. Can't blame a man, right?"

"You're not a man," Jared points out as he picks up one of the fruits and stares at it for a moment. Maybe two. "So, how do I eat this."

Jensen chuckles low. "Crack it in half and scoop everything out. It's good, I promise."

It's phlegm yellow inside and the consistency of lukewarm cottage cheese, but it actually tastes a bit like overly sweet strawberries. Which have been Jared's favorites since childhood.

So yeah, all is forgiven.

*****

It takes two weeks of Jensen regularly coming around for the dogs to work up the courage to step inside the bedroom. Sadie makes the first move, and it's a slow process — Jared watches as she crawls closer to the bed, and he can practically hear Jensen freeze when she sticks her nose close to the bed frame.

"Jared," Jensen hisses quietly. "What do I do?"

"Let her sniff your hand. She's friendly, won't bite your arm off or anything." Jared rolls onto his side and leans over the edge of the mattress, in time to watch the familiar clawed hand inch from under the bed.

Sadie gives Jensen's hand a couple tentative smells, then nuzzles her snout under his palm. It takes a moment, but Jensen eventually moves his hand up her face and starts scratching behind her ears.

"She's nice," Jensen sounds surprised.

"Now you know why I was so opposed to you eating them." Jared can't help but smile. He's been doing that a lot since he started getting to know Jensen.

*****

Thanks to his guest's willingness to obey the rules, Jared is able to get enough rest to nail his last audition. So he treats himself to a late evening of Chinese take-out and action movies while he waits to hear back from his agent. Jensen seems thrilled with the idea.

They're just about to start Die Hard when Jared fluffs his pillow again to get more comfortable and speaks completely without thinking. "Hey Jensen?"

"Hmm?" Jensen's muffled reply must mean he's in the middle of chewing his lo mein.

"There's plenty of room here on the bed," Jared says as he pats the mattress for emphasis. "You know, in case you wanted something more comfortable than the floor." Then his brain catches up with his freaking mouth and he realizes he's never asked Jensen to join him before. It's always been _I'm here, you're there_ and neither of them have said moot about it. Weird.

Then again, it could be that whole monster thing, in case anyone was wondering.

But Jensen says no, almost instantaneously. "I'm good down here, but thanks." The words are choked out around his mouthful of food, said in a rush. It's pretty much as negative a "no" as Jared could get. In a way, he's almost disappointed.

From under the bed, Jensen sighs. "Look, I'll be straight with you. I'm not exactly the most _ordinary_ of monsters. And I don't really know what you might be expecting, so I think it's better I stay under here and let your imagination do the rest. Scarier that way, right?"

Jared's not sure, but he gulps hard anyway.

*****

One night, Jared wakes to thumping against the bottom of his mattress.

"Jared. Jared, wake up. I have to ask you something."

He groans. The clock on his bedside table reads 3:12am, barely two hours since he nodded off. "Wh-What's wrong, Jensen?" As he asks, he slowly grows aware of other noises in the room. The air conditioner kicking in, the sound of traffic filtering through the window, and moaning. Very male moaning.

Oh hell.

"Jared, what is this?"

He really doesn't want to look at the screen, because he already knows what's going to be there. And really, it's his own damn fault for not activating the parental controls the day he moved the TV.

"Are you telling me you don't have porn in Monster Land?"

"It's not that. I mean, we _do_ but —" And that's when another man's voice joins the first. "This has two males in it."

Now Jared _does_ look at the TV. On screen, two men are really going at it. One is slouched low on an ugly patterned sofa, his arms draped along the back edge of the couch. A blond twink is kneeling between his spread legs, hands braced on the thighs in front of him as his head bobs over the other man's dick. It looks fast and dirty, and despite just waking up, Jared's already feeling a little turned on.

"This is acceptable here?" Jensen's voice snaps him out of it.

"It's...complicated," Jared explains, his eyes now riveted to the screen. The man receiving the blow job has moved, now curling his fingers in the other's hair and throwing his head back, panting and moaning through slightly parted lips.

Jensen sounds just as breathy when he asks, "And this is attractive to you?"

"Sometimes," Jared chokes out. The scene changes — the blond is now straddling the other man's lap as his partner slowly pushes into him. And Jared can't help himself. He presses his palm against his crotch and adds his own groan to the chorus. "God, that's also complicated. Some days, I go for guys. But sometimes, I prefer girls."

It's quiet for so long, only the sounds of televised slapping flesh filling the room, that Jared thinks Jensen has taken off. That is, until he hears the faintest bit of whimpering coming from below him. Yeah, Jensen's not gone, he's...

"This doing it for you, Jensen?"

"Oh _fuck_!" That's confirmation enough for Jared; he can only imagine what Jensen is up to down there. "I didn't— No one's ever— " He cuts off with a hitch of breath.

All pretenses gone, Jared pulls his cock through the slit in his boxers. He has to focus on the screen, all attention on the program's soundtrack, because otherwise he’ll hear Jensen slowly losing it, and it's affecting him more than he thought it would. Jensen's making these eager noises, cutting gasps that have Jared more than half hard, his dick filling in his hand as he gives it a couple quick, firm strokes. He can tell right off that this isn't going to be one of his lazy jerk-off sessions, but a race to the finish.

The blond on screen is nearly bent over backwards, vigorously stripping his cock while his partner curls fingers into his hips and fucks into him with powerful thrusts. It's brutal, slaps and grunts, and it's just what Jared needs because he can already feel that coil of heat pooling low in his gut.

Then Jensen makes a low moan beneath him, counterpoint to the rest of the soundtrack, and that does it. Jared's gone.

The last thing he thinks before everything goes white is that this was far less awkward than it should have been.

It takes a while for him to come down, but when he does, the TV is off and it is much quieter than it should be.

*****

"Jared, kid, they loved ya. You are so in. I'm emailing you the details about the shoot as we speak."

*****

"Oh, sweetie, that's wonderful! Congratulations!"

*****

Chad's reaction to the good news is to take Jared out for one hell of a celebration. They're not at the bar for more than thirty minutes, and suddenly their table is full of people Jared doesn't even know. But they keep buying him drinks and patting him on the back, so he's not too worried as he tips back another shot.

Hours pass. There's booze and tunes, and everyone seems to be having a great time at his congratulations party. As the night grows later, Chad disappears, waving as he follows what looks like a great pair of legs out of the bar. Normally, Jared would be a little hurt about his friend ditching him at his own party, but he suddenly has a lapful of tiny, lithe and brunette — basically everything he likes in a woman — and she's sucking on his tongue like it's a lollipop.

Yeah, everything's good, if maybe a little fuzzy around the edges.

Maybe that's why he can't remember the reason it's a bad idea to bring her home with him.

*****

The cab ride back is just as fuzzy, though Jared does muzzily recognize the cabbie's harrumph of disapproval when his companion tries to sneak her hand down Jared's pants.

She giggles the entire way up to his apartment. Once he gets the door open and them inside, she leaps onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. He manages to kick the door shut before palming her ass to hold her in place. She throws her head back to laugh, and Jared uses the opening to latch onto her throat with his lips and a hint of teeth. Just a hint. Her laugh turns into a gasp, and her playful hold intensifies as she digs her nails into his back.

The dogs whimper as Jared carries her to the bedroom, and something about the noise pings that _wrong_ feeling again. But then she attacks his mouth with her own, and all he can think about is how much better this would be if they were both naked.

He juggles her into one hand as he reaches for the doorknob. The door bangs open and she laughs again against his lips. He can't help but smile back and, not even bothering with the lights, he lowers her to the bed so that she's sitting just at the edge of the mattress.

She instantly reaches for his belt; she fumbles a bit with the buckle before getting it and his jeans' button undone. His pants drop unceremoniously to the ground.

At the thunk of his belt hitting the floor, Jared steps out of his pooled jeans and begins slowly trailing kisses and hands down her body, unzipping and unbuttoning as he goes. As he gets to her skirt, he hooks his fingers past to the waistband of her panties and pulls both articles of clothing down her legs, kissing and tonguing each tantalizing inch of skin as it's revealed. When he reaches her ankles, he's nearly facing the floor, with a clear view of the space under his bed.

Jensen's bright eyes gleaming back at him in spite of the dull light finally remind him of why this was a bad fucking idea.

"So tonight's a girl kind of night, huh?" Jensen's voice is thankfully hushed, but it's tense in a way Jared's never heard it. "Having fun?"

"Dude, what the hell?" Jared hisses back. "Get gone, okay?" He can't be sure, but it definitely looks like Jensen narrows his eyes at him.

"Hey, big guy," the girl fidgets a little. "You get lost down there or something?"

Jared waves off Jensen then surges up to his feet, intent on swallowing the teasing tone in her voice and making her moan instead.

At least, that's the plan. But that's when Jensen, in a clear and loud voice, announces, "Aw, Jared. You know I love take-out," and then grabs the girl's ankle.

Of course, she screams and tries to jump up and run away, but Jensen's hold on her leg is too strong. Instead, she ends up crashing to the ground face-first, scrambling for purchase on the floor while Jensen starts to pull her under the bed. 

She's up to mid-thigh before everything registers in Jared's brain and he drops to his knees to pull her back.

"Goddamn it, Jensen! Fucking let her _go!_ " Jared gives a sharp tug, and suddenly he's crashing backwards on his ass with a flailing mass of hysterical girl in his arms.

She doesn't waste a second, just grabs her discarded clothing and takes off away from the bedroom. The dogs are going nuts, and Jared can only imagine what his neighbors must think is going on.

"You son of a bitch," Jared yells as he kicks at the bed frame. "How the fuck could you do something like that to her?"

"Easily," comes the answer. "At least I filled my quota today."

"Oh, fuck that!" Jared specifically targets his next kick for the space under the bed, hoping he hits some part of Jensen in his blind aim. "I want you gone. You hear me? Don't you fucking come back here again."

There's a moment where neither of them say anything. Then, Jensen growls out a harsh, "Fine," and Jared hears the sucking noise he's grown to recognize as Jensen leaving.

It's quiet after that; the dogs even stop barking. And Jared's left sitting on his floor in nothing but his boxers, wondering what the hell just happened.

*****

It's not funny how much Jared got used to having someone else there. It takes a week before it really sinks in that if he speaks out loud in the middle of the night, no one is going to answer him. There are a couple of times he catches himself in the middle of plating another helping of whatever he cooked for dinner, and he sighs every time he catches a KFC commercial on TV.

Even the dogs seem melancholy.

With all of this quiet, Jared spends a lot of time trying to figure out why he feels, well, lonely. It's not like he doesn't have friends. Chad is testament to that. But there is definitely something missing. Something that he kicked out of his life for a girl whose name he can't even remember now.

But it wasn't completely unjust, right? It was downright cruel what Jensen did to that girl. And then there are the stories the mothers congregating around the apartment mailboxes in the afternoons are telling — about their kids screaming over a monster in their closets. Jensen's someone— no, _thing_ he should be scared of, not treating like a buddy he had an ordinary falling out with.

So what the hell _is_ his problem, anyway? 

The possibilities are endless.

*****

"Sweetie, are you sure everything's okay? You sound a little off."

*****

"Dude, come on. You're not seriously mourning the loss of your imaginary friend, are you?"

*****

It takes just a second for Jared to realize the sound that woke him is the closet door creaking open. "Jensen?" he calls, squinting as he tries to see in the dark.

"Oh, sure. _Now_ he asks for the kid," says a voice that is decidedly not Jensen's. It would be concerning if not for the fact that at that exact moment, something huge looms up from the foot of the bed. Jared catches sight of grayish-blue fur and curved horns before a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth is _roaring_ in his face.

Screaming more expletives than he even realized he knew, Jared tries to scramble away from the teeth and, oh fucking _Christ_ , huge goddamn claws that are inches away from his eyes. Suddenly, the headboard is right at his back, nowhere else to go, and the monster is only getting closer. Jared squeezes his eyes shut, flinching as he waits for the thing to bite his face off.

Then the roar cuts off into a hacking cough that, for an instant, actually reminds Jared of his grandmother's bridge games at the nursing home. It's bizarre enough that he can't help but peek through one eye. Huge'n'Furry appears to be coughing up a lung, using the footboard of his bed as support to keep from falling over. 

"Oh geez, Sully. Way to overdo it." A giant green eyeball with arms, legs and a cane comes waddling out from behind Jared's dresser and starts patting the other monster on the back. "Come on, big guy. Boo will kill me if I bring you back in less than working condition."

"You're lucky I don't kill you both right now." Something else — a female something, if the voice is anything to go by — is coming out of Jared's closet, and it's covered in purple scales. "I cannot believe you two, stealing a door card. For what? A little trip back to your heydays?"

"Now, Boo, we can explain — " Eyeball starts, but the one Jared guesses is Boo throws up a gray three-fingered hand to stop him.

"Save your excuses for Aunt Celia. She's just as angry as I am."

Jared's never seen such a pale shade of green. "She's here?" At Boo's nod, Eyeball takes one look at Sully and eeks out, "You're on your own, pal." Then he hobbles off through the closet, crooning endearments as he goes.

The big furry one has stopped coughing, and it's looking down at Boo dejectedly. "We were doing this for Jensen, you know."

"Oh, right. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to know you scared the living hell out of his only friend." The big furball seems to shrink in on itself, and Boo exhales. "Just go home and back to bed, okay, Kitty? Let me talk to the kid." The big one — Kitty, apparently — leaves the same way he came, and then Jared is all alone with Boo.

"Sorry about that," she starts. "They're just really protective of Jensen and me." She gestures to the bed before asking, "Do you mind if I sit down? I had to run all the way here in order to catch them." Even though Jared's back is already against the headboard, he pulls his knees to his chest to give her the widest berth possible. 

"Thanks." She sits with a relieved sigh, then spends a few moments just looking at him. "So, you're the Jared my boy has been talking about non-stop. Granted, this isn't exactly how I'd hoped we'd meet, but I'm glad I'm getting the chance."

It all trips over in Jared's mind — attacked, saved and now inspected by freaking monsters that came out of his closet — and really, he doesn't have anything to say. Except, he has to say _something_ to that, so what comes out is, "You said I was his only friend."

She looks a little taken aback, mouth slightly gaping and one unblinking eye staring straight at him. She makes a little choking noise before answering. "Yes, I did. That's my fault, I know. But I always wanted to keep him safe. Parents do that, right?" She sounds a little wistful, and Jared wants to pry, but she continues. "Truth is, Jensen and I… we're not exactly…"

"Ordinary," Jared fills in the pause with Jensen's own word for the situation.

"Exactly. And because of that, Kitty, Uncle Mike and I have always been hesitant in letting him socialize, in case someone found out something they weren't supposed to. And I always thought he was happy with the situation. I mean, he never complained otherwise, though that might be because he never knew any better. But then he came home one day, smiling like I've never seen and rambling on about you."

"And then I kicked him out." Jared says it so quietly, he's surprised he even heard himself. He looks to the floor, ashamed. And has to blink because…well… Boo's feet are dangling just slightly off the ground, and while one tapers into a gray approximation of a digit-less foot, the other looks very, _very_ normal. Five perfect human toes, each toenail painted pink. "I think you lost a shoe."

She freezes, absolutely still, before slowly tipping her head to look at her feet. "Oh, that's just freaking great!"

"You—you're human!"

Boo doesn't says anything at first, just reaches under her top jaw and lifts. And keeps lifting. Finally, the top of her scaled head falls back like a hood, and Jared's face to face with an older woman with shining black hair and sad-looking eyes.

"And Jensen?" he asks and waits one tense moment before she nods. And Jared explodes. "He didn't _tell_ me?"

"We've always told him not to. You have to understand, folks in our world are still coming to terms with the fact that human aren't toxic. Many of them still fear what might happen should one get loose in Monstropolis. My guardians risked their lives when they decided to keep me there." 

She pulls on the fingers of her left hand, and the whole arm falls away like a glove, revealing five elegant fingers that she curls into a fist and rests her chin upon. "I wasn't exactly humanity's biggest fan, either. I never wanted Jensen to know what life was like here, with other humans. It's why, when he started talking about working at the Company, we made sure he'd work in such an obsolete department, so he never saw much of other people. Just in, out, no attachments.

"He wanted to tell you though, I know that."

It's practically unbelievable. "So why the act, then? He scared the crap out of the girl and was damn gleeful about it. Seems pretty monstrous to me."

She smiles, but it's anything but glad. "A different type of monster — the green-eyed variety. Don't tell me you've never done anything foolish because you were jealous."

Jared wants to stay mad, but he can feel the heat draining away, leaving only a weary acceptance of everything he just heard. Boo stands up and starts pulling her glove back on. "I think I've done enough damage here for my son to hate me for life. I should let you get back to sleep." She puts her hood back into place, but wiggles her toes a little bit before sighing again.

Jared hops from the bed to his dresser. From the top drawer, he pulls out a pair of gray socks and tosses them to her. "Not a perfect match, but it's better than going back half-exposed, right?"

He can't see it, but he thinks she's smiling under her mask. "Thank you." There's a pause before, "Would it be okay if I send Jensen to return them?"

"Sure." Jared doesn't even think about saying no.

*****

Jared comes home the next night and is greeted by something soft beaning him in the side of the head. He looks down, and there is his pair of socks, ends rolled over one another like they're washed and ready to put away. Which they probably are. Moms.

"So, how much did she tell you?" Jared blinks, because Jensen's voice is coming from the closet, just a couple feet from where he stands. He can't help but think about Jensen's promise that first night to never come through this way, but it doesn't matter because Jensen's _here_ , and he feels maybe a little happy about it.

"Enough," he answers, trying desperately to catch any glimpse though the crack in the door. It's too dark though, and he can't even see the telltale gleam of Jensen's eyes.

Jensen sighs, resigned. "Jared, I wanted to tell you."

"She said that too."

"Figures."

"Look," Jared cuts him off. "Would you please come out from there? I'd rather not have this conversation with my closet door." There's no answer immediately, and it takes everything Jared has to patiently wait for Jensen's quiet but affirmative, "Okay."

The hinges squeak a little as Jensen pushes the door open from the inside, and the first thing Jared sees are those hands of his, familiar by now. Slowly, Jensen steps out of the shadows and more of him is revealed. An arm covered to the wrist with mottled blue fur, legs and feet featuring the same colored fur, spotted in places by shades of purple. Narrow waist and broad shoulders, unable to be disguised by the hairy covering that travels his whole body. And finally his face. The hood of his costume curls over the top of his head, ending just at the tip of his nose. His mouth is almost hidden by a bushy beard dyed an electric turquoise Jared remembers from his sister's rebellion years. The only clear features are his eyes, so green and bright they actually look a little inhuman.

Jensen shrugs, raising his arms a little bit and letting them drop to his side just as fast. "This is me." It's a good disguise, like a higher end rental costume Jared sees around Halloween, and if he didn't know any better...

"You're not a monster, though," Jared says as he steps a little closer. "I'd like to see _you_."

Jensen retreats a step, and Jared stops where he is. "You're seeing me. This is what I know, all I know."

"You can try being human." Jared doesn't know why he's pleading, but it seems so crucial to get the point through to Jensen. Like this is something so pivotal they'll look back on it later and understand that this is where it all changed. "Just give it a shot. I'm sure it's not that different."

"You'd be surprised," Jensen says as he takes another step backwards, now back in the closet.

"Jensen, please."

"Being human means leaving everything, everyone, I know behind. Sorry, Jared, but I'm not that brave." Then he closes the door.

Jared lunges for the knob and yanks the door back open, but no one's there, just clothes and boxes.

*****

Filming takes Jared out of town for a couple days, and he asks Chad to take care of his dogs while he's gone. Getting him to say yes is the easy part. The hard part is getting the dogs out the door, because it just doesn't happen. Neither will budge, and no matter how much Jared can bench press, even he can't lift an uncooperative mastiff mix.

"Alright, easy fix," Chad says while Jared tries to wrangle Sadie out from behind the couch. "Toss me your key and I'll just stop by during the day. Walkies and everything."

"You sure?"

"No, man. I just offer because it sounds cool. I really plan to let my best friend's pets starve while he's gone." Chad rolls his eyes as he says it.

Jared still calls every day to check on them. Hey, they're his babies. Each time, Chad makes up some new disaster that's hit the dogs. Monday, Sadie fell down a well and Harley choked on a human femur he dug up in the park. Tuesday, the canine version of bird flu. On Wednesday, dognapper who's holding them both for two million dollars. It's morbid, but Jared laughs.

When he calls on Thursday, Chad isn't joking around. "I don't know what's with them, man. They won't leave your bedside. Want me to get them to the vet or something?"

"No, that's okay. I'll be home tomorrow." Jared hangs up with a pit in his stomach.

*****

There's a hot guy sitting on Jared's bed, wearing his clothes. Normally, Jared wouldn't be opposed to such a thing, except for the fact that he wasn't exactly expecting to find a stranger in his home. So Jared freezes in his bedroom doorway, suitcase still in hand, and stares.

The man looks nervous, if body language is anything to go by. Fidgety. The jeans the guy took are long for him, hanging so far over his feet that Jared can just see bare toes. He's wearing a t-shirt from Jared's old high school, too tight over a well-toned chest and biceps. Strong jaw, short-cut light brown hair and vivid green eyes that just—

_Oh._

"Holy shit." Jared loses his grip on his suitcase but doesn't even notice it crash short of his own toes. He's never been struck dumb before, but hey, first time for everything.

"I took some of your things," the guy says apologetically, and if Jared needed any more proof of who he's staring at, it's this. Because he _knows_ that voice. "I couldn't wear anything besides my normal on my way over or I would have caused mass panic in the streets." He gestures to a large pile of blue fur hidden in the back corner of the room.

Jared has to swallow before his own voice decides to work for him. "It's okay."

Jensen smiles at him, timid, as he stands up. Still nervous. "Just giving it a shot, right?"

"What changed your mind?"

"Had time to think," Jensen says as he scratches the back of his neck. Jared can't help but grin at the nervous tick. "Plus, your dogs looked absolutely miserable last time I stopped by."

"I'm sure they did."

"Yeah," Jensen says, then they fall quiet. It's awkward. 

They stare at one another until Jensen casts his eyes to the floor and coughs. "Look, if you laugh, I'm leaving, but while I'm doing this whole honesty thing..." He pauses, as if to compose himself, and Jared doesn't say a word. Just waits. "Until that night... With the, um, porn, I really thought I was a freak. More than the obvious, of course. I mean, I've been doing this scaring thing for a while, and I've seen my share of other humans. Mothers and fathers investigating why their kid is screaming, older siblings, you get it. And it's always been the men that I've been attracted to. But, like I said, no one has even told me something like that was possible, so cue massive amounts of confusion. And then that first day, when you actually looked under the bed and I saw you... I would have been happy just seeing you that once, but you actually accepted me despite being something different, became my friend. What I'm trying to say is..."

"You like me." Jared finishes for him.

"Yeah," Jensen breathes out. "I thought you should know, if I'm going to try this acting human thing. Seemed fair."

"Definitely fair. And considerate. You're already acting more human than some people I know."

That gets Jensen laughing, loud with his head tipped back. Jared already loves Jensen's laugh — it has always sounded amazing during their late night conversations — but seeing it is a totally different story. 

"Thanks for that," Jensen chuckles. "Doesn't change the fact that I have no clue what I'm doing. Or that I'm scared out of my mind." His voice catches as he says it.

Jared doesn't even think about it, just charges halfway across the room and wraps his arms around Jensen. "Hey, I get it. I'd be terrified too." Jensen's tense against him, though whether it's because of fear or the sudden contact, Jared can't tell. Doesn't matter though, because it all vanishes in a rush, and Jensen starts hugging him back. 

Jared knows the embrace is for comfort and nothing else, but that doesn't change the fact that it feels amazing, corded muscles under his hands while strong arms wrap around him, and knowing this is Jensen makes it so much better. 

"Can I tell you something?" Jared asks, and Jensen pulls back a little. Those green eyes are so intense, gaze steady while he waits for whatever Jared wants to say. "First thing I thought when I walked in just now? I wanted to know who let one of the hottest men I've ever seen into my bedroom." Jensen flushes and tries to pull away, but Jared keeps his hold tight, barely letting him budge. "I'm not done. Then I realized it was you, someone I already have a connection with and isn't just a pretty face, and instantly my opinion changed to _the_ hottest guy I've ever seen."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Oh, thank god." 

Jared doesn't get the chance to respond, because any space between them vanishes and Jensen's mouth is suddenly upon his. The kiss is hard, insistent, inexperienced, and it hits Jared then that Jensen really has never done this before. A life of hiding his identity from everyone around him obviously wouldn't allow much intimacy. He moves his hands to Jensen's shoulders and pushes back, just a little, in order to look Jensen in the eye.

"Easy, Jen, okay? No fun breaking each other during our first kiss," he chuckles as he says it, and Jensen smiles a little.

"Jen." It sounds like Jensen's testing the word out. "I could get used to the way you say it." He leans into Jared, quickly kissing him gently once, twice, before pressing their lips together softly for a more lingering kiss. And Jensen must be the quickest learner ever, because it's perfect.

Pulling Jensen back against him, Jared trails one hand up Jensen's back, over the curve of his neck, finally brushing fingers through his hair. Jensen makes an encouraging noise against his lips, which Jared parts in order to allow his tongue to slip out and tease along Jensen's. Jensen quickly follows suit, and Jared takes the welcome invitation to lick in and taste wet and heat and _Jensen_.

Their balance suddenly shifts, and Jared falls forward, landing on the bed with Jensen pinned beneath him. He pulls out of the kiss at the last second to avoid their teeth smashing together, and when he looks back down, Jensen's grinning at him. "Perfectly good horizontal surface was going unused." 

Jared laughs, then goes back to those lips smiling only for him.

Each kiss seems deeper after that, long moments during which they forget the need to breathe, and each break for air is shorter and shorter before they fall against one another again. Jared moves his hand to cup Jensen's face, feeling high cheekbones, a strong jaw and skin freshly shaven of beard. Jensen's hands knead into the muscles of his back, alternately gripping and releasing Jared's shirt as if he's trying to decide the best way to remove it. Jared saves him the trouble, pulling up just long enough to practically tear his shirt over his head before crashing back down. Jensen's hands are instantly back upon him, skimming up and down his back. Jared smiles into the kiss when he realizes Jensen even trimmed his nails.

Jared moves his hand, shifting his weight to his free arm as he trails down from Jensen's face to his neck, over his chest and along his abdomen. Jensen inhales sharply when Jared skirts under the hem of his t-shirt, fingertips brushing over taut muscles that jump as he slides his hands back up Jensen's torso. When he reaches Jensen's chest, he traces slow, lazy circles around his nipple, making it peak at his touch. Jensen arches underneath him, gasping, and Jared can feel him hard and hot against his thigh.

"Like that, huh?" Jared asks as he gently scrapes his fingernail against the nub, and Jensen keens. "Hold on, let's get this..." He doesn't finish before snaking his hand back out and yanking Jensen's shirt up and off him. Having felt the definition already, he's not surprised to find toned abs and a lean torso. Not cut, but definitely the body of someone familiar with a workout routine.

Jensen seems to notice the scrutiny. "It's not like I have much of a social life, and my uncles are big fitness nuts."

"You're gorgeous," Jared tells him, meaning every damn word. It's driving him a little crazy in fact. Jensen is amazing, yet no one's ever seen him like this, never touched him like this. He's going to be Jensen's first, and he has to ask, "Are you sure about this?"

Jensen's lips twist into a smirk. "You're kidding, right? I'm 25 years old, and I have the extremely good fortune of my first _anything_ being with the most amazing guy in this world and in others. Do you have any other stupid questions?"

"A simple yes would have worked." Jensen smiles wider at his sarcastic response, and that's it. Jared rolls them onto their sides and reaches for Jensen's crotch. Two firm strokes through denim wipes the grin off Jensen's face, and he gasps, pressing into Jared's touch.

Jensen's hands start roaming all over him — down his side, tangling in his hair, pulling at him — all while he throws himself into Jared's touch. He slides a leg over, pressing them closer, and the added pressure challenges Jared's angle and grip on Jensen. "Just…please," Jensen growls in his ear before digging his fingernails into Jared's arm.

Jared doesn't hesitate. The snap on Jensen's borrowed jeans comes undone easily, and the zipper isn't even halfway down before Jared realizes Jensen's not wearing anything underneath. At first skin-on-skin contact, Jensen bucks his hips hard against him, and Jared rubs his hand along his length, slow and hard, determined to rile him up even farther.

It works. "Ah, fuck," Jensen drawls, very nearly clawing at Jared's back now. Jared hisses in surprise, changing tactics and stilling his strokes to hopefully calm Jensen down a bit. Jensen lets out an honest-to-god whimper and begins rutting through Jared's grasp.

"Shh," Jared soothes, loosening his grip so he's only teasing the tip of Jensen's cock with his fingertips. "Come on, Jen. Touch me back."

Jensen doesn't waste any time, just presses his mouth to Jared's and gropes at the fastening of Jared's pants, yanking it open. He shoves the jeans down, snagging the elastic of Jared's boxers in the process, and, once they're out of the way, grips Jared's dick with no finesse but plenty of enthusiasm. A few shaky passes down his length make Jared go from half-hard to hot and ready.

"Fuck," Jared mumbles against his mouth, then he breaks the kiss, content to let his lips taste whatever bit of Jensen's skin presents itself. He quits the teasing and gets to work, firm strokes that almost make Jensen's grip fumble. They fall into a rhythm of strokes, working each other up as best they can. Jared tries a squeeze here, a twist of his wrist there, and Jensen's amazing learning streak keeps up the pace. Not two seconds after he tries something new does Jensen throw it back at him, sometimes with his own variation that has Jared rocketing toward orgasm uncharacteristically fast.

Pooling pre-come allows his hand to glide easily on Jensen's dick, and Jared feels the hand on him falter to a stop. Jared holds back a whimper of his own, too worked up to go without, and presses closer to Jensen so he can grab himself as well in his grip. He gasps at the feel of Jensen's cock against his, hot and firm as he strokes them both, and Jensen echoes the breath in his ear. Jensen's making these desperate sounds that are absolutely amazing and way too hot, and Jared almost can't bear it. "Come on," he whispers, barely audible against Jensen's moaning, and he gives his wrist a twist on the upstroke which he knows sends him over the edge almost every time.

Jensen cries out, loud and long, throbbing hot and wet into Jared's fist. The pulse of it against his own dick proves to be too much, and Jared grunts and follows him right over, biting nearly through his own lip in order to keep from yelling. He strokes them through it, knowing just what to do to keep it coming until there's nothing left, determined to make Jensen's first time with anyone absolutely perfect. Keep him from wanting anything.

The cry dies down, and Jensen pants heavy against his skin, still thrusting lazily through the aftershocks. Gingerly, Jared opens his hand and releases them both, and Jensen melts backwards to lie on his back with a soft groan that sounds a lot like satisfaction. Jared wipes his hand on the nearest discarded t-shirt and joins him in staring at the ceiling while their breathing returns to normal.

When Jensen finally speaks, it's so quiet that Jared nearly misses it. "Mind if I stay here tonight? I just need to figure out what I'm going to do."

Jared looks, and Jensen's still staring at the ceiling, biting his bottom lip like he's scared what the answer will be. "Hey," Jared says and waits for Jensen to actually turn to face him. "You can stay as long as you want, until you decide you don't want to anymore."

Turns out Jensen has an absolutely incredible post-coital smile.

He doesn't know who moves first, whether it's Jensen in appreciation or him in assurance, but two moments later they're kissing in the middle of his bed, soft and slow like they have all the time in the world. When they pull back a little, Jared lets his hand fall to Jensen's hip casually. Just holding on.

"So what exactly does a monster fresh out of the closet do for a living?" he asks, making sure he's smiling to keep Jensen at peace.

Jensen chuckles, carefree. "I guess we'll find out."

*****

"Yeah, sure, kid. I know a few literary agents. Why, you thinking about switching careers on me?"

*****

"I know it's been three years, sweetie, but... Okay, okay. No guest room. Just do your father and me a favor and keep it PG while you're here."

*****

There's a tiny hand shaking Jared's shoulder, and a small voice whispering in his ear, "Uncle Jared. Uncle Jared, wake up."

It takes a moment to make his eyes work, and when they do open, he finds his niece standing beside his bed, clutching her teddy bear like a lifeline. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asks, and he can feel Jensen stirring awake beside him.

"The monster from my closet followed me here to Gramma's. Daddy doesn't believe me and won't go check. Would you or Uncle Jen make it go away?"

Jared's trying to think of a reasonable thing to say that won't scare the little girl — because really, he _knows_ monsters exist and he's not going to lie to her — when Jensen drops a hand on his shoulder. "I'll take care of it." 

They both watch him leave, then Jared turns a grin to his niece. "Come here, munchkin." She climbs onto the bed and curls into his chest, and he puts a protective arm around her. "Hey, you know Uncle Jen's books?" When she nods, he hugs her and continues. "I'm sure if there _is_ a monster in your closet, he's just like Chris the Curious Creature. He just wants to say hi, not scare you."

She nods again but burrows a little closer to him. Some battles, you can't win.

Not too long later, Jensen comes back to the room, shaking his head in amusement. He pauses at the door, and a soft smile plays on his lips. "Alright, you two. The coast is clear. No monsters in there."

"You promise?" Her hopeful voice is muffled against Jared's shirt, so Jared repeats it for her, just to be certain Jensen heard.

"Yep," Jensen says as he steps inside again. "No monsters whatsoever. So let's get you back to bed." He holds out his hands, and she climbs out of Jared's grasp and wraps her arms around Jensen's neck. He carries her out with a winked "be right back" to Jared.

Jared's starting to nod off when Jensen gets back, climbs into the bed, and rests his arm around Jared's torso. "So, no monsters, huh?" Jared asks.

"Not anymore," Jensen kisses against the nape of his neck. "Found him hiding behind the rocking chair and started quoting Form 16-A2 ordinances at him. Poor guy looked absolutely panicked. He'll probably be trying to figure this out for years to come." He snuggles up against Jared's back and huffs out, "Rookies."

Jared smiles, twines his fingers with Jensen's, and drifts to sleep again.

*****

_"Okay, last one. Don't even try for another after this. Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince who lived in a magical land where people became younger every day through the wonders of plastic surgery. One day, he found out there was a troll living in his castle and — quit snickering, Jen. Anyway, the brave prince fought with the troll but quickly found out that the troll was actually another prince who had been cursed by an evil witch."_

_"I'm totally telling her you said that."_

_"No you won't. The brave prince broke the spell, turning the troll back into the very handsome man he was supposed to be. And they ran off together to have many sexy adventures."_

_"Jared!"_

_"What? He's two, he doesn't know what that means."_

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> To this day, this story is still one of my favorite things I've ever written. :) You can find it on my LJ [here](http://vorpalblades.livejournal.com/167625.html?format=light), as well as see the great art LJ user mkitty did for the story.


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